There are way too many "fuck"s in this book that I
have learnt not to give a fuck about them.
Now that I have specifically mentioned it, doesn't it mean
that I actually DO give a fuck about them?
I mean, if you don't really care about something, you won't
point out that you don't care, do you? You just don't bother. Like how you
won't say to your failing friend "everything is ok" if things were
indeed going smoothly, and you don't have to tell yourself that you are
beautiful unless you think that you are ugly.
These self-reassurances just worsen your insecurity, making
you doubting yourself more.
This is the first lesson in the book "The Subtle Art of
Not Giving a F*ck".
I really like the writing style of the author, which is much
similar to mine (narcissist detected). He uses a lot of words and examples to
illustrate a single viewpoint, giving you the idea from multiple perspectives.
I think it makes you feel that you are actually listening to someone talking
and sharing their personal experience, rather than reading a mundane textbook.
That's why when you are taking notes, you either highlight
the entire chapter, or you leave everything blank: everything is the message to
be conveyed, yet everything is just filler.
This is the first self-help book that I have read, and
probably will be the last in near future. One thing I despise self-help materials is that many of them make it like a recipe.
"How to be happy in 11 steps:
1. Get enough sleep: xxxxxx, xxx, xxxxx.
2. Exercise: yyy, yy. yyyyyy.
3. Meet friends: zzzzz, zzzzzz, zz.
..."
As if happiness is a checklist that when you tick all the
boxes your life magically sparks joy.
They also tell you things that you have already known, usually
in a brainwashing way:
"You have to stop seeing the bad things about your
partner, focus on the bright side!"
Ah silly me, why didn't I know this earlier. Thank you for
saving my relationship!
While we all know what we SHOULD do, we may not be ABLE or
WILLING to do them.
It's just a matter of time for us to realise how painful it
is to snap out of it.
*
When we say we are not giving fucks, it doesn't mean that we
are indifferent to everything around us and do whatever we want to. These
people are called -- as the author puts it -- a psychopath.
He lists 3 points of how not giving fucks look like:
1. Be comfortable on not meeting the expectations of others
2. Give fucks to things that are actually important
3. Understand that you are responsible for what fucks to give
in your life
It is impossible to not to give fucks on anything: our life
is full of problems and suffering; we just have to find those that we enjoy giving
fucks to.
There are many points presented in the book (some of which I
am not even sure whether they are related to the topic of the book) but I
particularly like this one:
While we always think that a person who feels he is better
than everyone else is a narcissist, the opposite is true too.
Self-victimisation is a form of entitlement.
Have you ever been afraid of being a laughing stock when you
have gotten a bad haircut, or somehow felt there is something wrong with
yourself because other bus passengers are not keen to take the empty seats
beside you, or thought that people suddenly behave differently because of you?
In reality? People hardly care.
When we are terrified of what others think about us, it
actually means that WE are terrified of all the shitty things we think about
ourselves being reflected back at us.
The typical narcissist thinks that he deserves special
treatment because he is better than everyone.
As most of us know that we are not in the top 1-percentile,
we decide to play the other card instead:
"Because I suck and the rest of you are awesome, I deserve
special treatment."
If you have learned the normal distribution, you should have
known that most of us are pretty mediocre; neither are we awesome nor we really
suck.
Knowing that you are not special, that others have the same
problems as yours, is the first way of solving your problems. You should always
define yourself as an ordinary person -- father, student, friend -- rather than
some genius or superstar. The knowledge and acceptance of your own mundane
existence will free you to accomplish what you truly wish to accomplish,
without judgment or lofty expectations.
And eventually, it frees yourself from giving unnecessary
fucks.
